Lone Ranger Jokes
Subject: THE LONE RANGERS' FINAL REQUEST..........
Hi Ho, Silver..
Hi Ho, Silver..
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request???'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
"But I will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"READ MY LIPS!!!!"FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
"BRING POSSE"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"READ MY LIPS!!!!"FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
"BRING POSSE"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"
The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.
Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"
Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"
"Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."
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SAME JOKE .....SHORTER VERSION
Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger is drinking in a bar with Tonto after chasing bad guys all day. A guy walks into the bar and says " who owns that big white horse out there". The Lone Ranger says "thats my horse Silver".
The guy says "what did you do he is all wet and lathered up, didn't you cool him off after you rode him"? The Lone Ranger asked Tonto to go cool off his horse. Tonto goes out and starts running circles around the horse for air flow. A few mins later another guys walks in and says "who owns that big white horse out there"? The Lone Ranger says "that's my horse Silver". The guys says "you left your engine running"!
The Lone Ranger is drinking in a bar with Tonto after chasing bad guys all day. A guy walks into the bar and says " who owns that big white horse out there". The Lone Ranger says "thats my horse Silver".
The guy says "what did you do he is all wet and lathered up, didn't you cool him off after you rode him"? The Lone Ranger asked Tonto to go cool off his horse. Tonto goes out and starts running circles around the horse for air flow. A few mins later another guys walks in and says "who owns that big white horse out there"? The Lone Ranger says "that's my horse Silver". The guys says "you left your engine running"!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell YOU, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo. Someone stole tent."
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The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell YOU, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo. Someone stole tent."
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Lone Ranger and Tonto are walking through the desert one day, when Lone Ranger stopped to take a piss.
He ran over to the bushes to pee and a snake came and bit the head of his dick.
Tonto asked what he can do to help.
Ranger says, "Go back to town and get the doctor."
Tonto talked to the doc and said, "Lone Ranger got bit by a snake, what should I do?"
Doc said, "Suck the poison out of the wound."
Tonto ran back to Lone Ranger to help him.
Lone Ranger asked, "What did the doctor say?"
Tonto looked at Ranger and then down at the snake bite.
Tonto said, "He said, you are going to die!"
He ran over to the bushes to pee and a snake came and bit the head of his dick.
Tonto asked what he can do to help.
Ranger says, "Go back to town and get the doctor."
Tonto talked to the doc and said, "Lone Ranger got bit by a snake, what should I do?"
Doc said, "Suck the poison out of the wound."
Tonto ran back to Lone Ranger to help him.
Lone Ranger asked, "What did the doctor say?"
Tonto looked at Ranger and then down at the snake bite.
Tonto said, "He said, you are going to die!"
Lone Ranger and Tonto were trying to ride up a steep mountain, but with the shale and loose gravel, Silver and Scout just couldn't make it. Lone Range tells Tonto 'Tie Scout to that bush, and climb up here behind me'. Tonto, confused but ever faithful, ties up his horse, climbs up behind Lone Ranger's saddle, and Silver has no problem at all climbing up the mountain.
Lone Ranger ties Silver to a tree, and he and Tonto walk back down the mountain to get Scout. Tonto unties the horse, jumps in the saddle, and tells Lone Ranger 'Now, Kemosabe, you climb up behind me.' Lone Ranger tells him 'It doesn't work that way, you have to be behind the saddle.' Tonto says 'Why that, Kemosabe?' Lone Ranger shakes his head pityingly, and says 'Don't you know anything? It's common knowledge you get better traction with the Injun in the rear.'
Lone Ranger ties Silver to a tree, and he and Tonto walk back down the mountain to get Scout. Tonto unties the horse, jumps in the saddle, and tells Lone Ranger 'Now, Kemosabe, you climb up behind me.' Lone Ranger tells him 'It doesn't work that way, you have to be behind the saddle.' Tonto says 'Why that, Kemosabe?' Lone Ranger shakes his head pityingly, and says 'Don't you know anything? It's common knowledge you get better traction with the Injun in the rear.'
The Lone Ranger is riding Silver across the plains when up ahead he sees Tonto's horse Scout, without Tonto aboard. He rides up to Scout and sees Tonto on all fours with his ear to the ground.
"Tonto, what are you doing?" the Ranger says.
"Mmmm..." replies Tonto. "Wagon, two people. Man, 25 moons old, woman 21 moons. Two children. Four horses...two white, one brown, one black."
"You can tell all that just by listening to the ground?" the Ranger exclaims, astonished.
"No," Tonto answers, "run over me, half hour ago...."
"Tonto, what are you doing?" the Ranger says.
"Mmmm..." replies Tonto. "Wagon, two people. Man, 25 moons old, woman 21 moons. Two children. Four horses...two white, one brown, one black."
"You can tell all that just by listening to the ground?" the Ranger exclaims, astonished.
"No," Tonto answers, "run over me, half hour ago...."
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